26 May 2025
Stuart Schofield, Client Director
If I was to ask you about the best boss you ever had, I’m sure you would be pretty quick to offer your reply.
Most of us have a good sense of who these great bosses are. Not least because they will have often left an indelible mark in our memories – A sense that this person simply made us feel better when interacting with them. Indeed, a very recent study suggests that ‘making others feel good’ may be one of the most important factors for a leader’s overall success (1).
One of my own most effective and cherished bosses had a wonderful habit of simply calling me every Friday to ask how I was. This question almost always prompted a lengthy reply. I admit, it may have occasionally been exhausting for him, but it always ended up making me feel better, not just about my role, but also about the organisation I worked for.
So, if we were simply to look back on our own experiences of great leadership, it might be reasonable to assume that those leaders who have reached the pinnacle of their influence will almost certainly demonstrate impressive amounts of this skill.
The reality, however, is a little more complex.
Research suggests that, in a leadership context at least, listening skills are easier to describe than to display (2). More interestingly, it could also be that the power and status afforded by leadership positions might be the very thing that gets in the way. So, whilst listening might have played an important part in getting a leader to where they are, it might quickly be displaced once power and influence begin to rear their over-sized heads!
The question then becomes: Are leaders, and in particular senior leaders, the great listeners we hope and expect them to be?
Let’s start by looking at empathy, the core characteristic of any good listener.
In our leadership workshops, we occasionally explore this topic by getting our learners to try the ‘E is for Empathy’ exercise?
If you haven’t tried it, it’s very simple.
You put a post-it notes on your forehead. You close your eyes. Then, after a count of three you write the capital letter ‘E’ on your post-it note. Then, once this is done, you look at what you have written.
It turns out that what you have written, says a lot about your levels of empathy.
For example, did you write your ‘E’ so that others might see it the right way? Alternatively, did you write your ‘E’ for yourself – giving those who are facing you a version that is simply back-to-front? In other words, did you write your ‘E’ for you, or did you write you ‘E’ for them?
It’s a fun exercise, but it can also be a little disconcerting if you don’t quite get the results you were expecting.
The ‘E’ experiment was one of the studies cited as part of Adam Galinsky’s pioneering research at Northwestern University (3). In these studies, he was specifically interested in looking at power and status, and how they impact on our levels of empathy. He assigned participants to artificially created ‘high-power’ or ‘low-power’ groups, then conducted many rounds of the ‘E’ exercise. The results were stark. Those assigned to a high-power group were almost three times more likely to draw a self-oriented E – than those assigned to a low-power group.
This is an interesting but not unusual finding. The idea that power and prestige may have a harmful effect on our ability to take the perspectives of others has also been explored by Dacher Keltner in his book ‘The Power Paradox’. The paradox being that skills we need to gain power and effectively lead others – like social intelligence and empathy – are the very ones we are likely to lose when we achieve power.
As we progress in the organisation and take on more influential positions we may face several blockers that interfere with our ability to listen. But what is it about these senior positions that might hamper this ability?
The capacity to listen to others – To flex to another person’s perspectives, to have humility and recognise the limits of one’s own decision making – is crucial to leadership success. Without these we have less rigorous problem solving, less innovation and the potential to cultivate high levels of demotivation in others.
But worse still is the trickle-down effect. The role-modelling and tacit encouragement of traits such as imprudence, a lack of curiosity and of course, a dismissal of other views, will have a distinct and longer-term impact. When seen at the most senior leader’s levels, these traits will ultimately stifle an entire organisation’s ability to adapt and learn.
And let’s not forget the wider impact on morale, engagement and retention. Who would ever want to work for a boss that doesn’t listen?
Here are some suggestions that leaders can follow to help themselves become better listeners:
Ever since the famous ‘Good Samaritan’ study of the early 1970s (7) we have known that the greatest predictor of uncaring behaviour is a perceived lack of time and a sense of urgency. In the short term, this can simply mean, pausing when some initiates a conversation, and then clearing your mind to be totally present. In the long term, the leader may wish to re-evaluate their work schedule. Is it a sustainable workload? Does it create enough opportunities for more one-to-one engagements at work?
A leader should think carefully and consciously about the climate they have created in their team. Have they engendered enough psychological safety to invite different opinions from the group? Are those opinions encouraged and rewarded when they surface? And when different opinions are expressed, does the leader take a pause to challenge themselves? Are they happy to take a moment to dig deeper and understand more, rather than simply jumping to respond (for example, arguing their own position or dismissing what they hear).
This can happen in many ways. Keltner (8) suggests that two things in particular really work to help build a feeling of being attended to: Expressing gratitude (acknowledging those around you for their efforts) and demonstrating generosity (sharing your time, giving assistance or resources).
This sounds counterintuitive as a strategy to build listening skills, but the practice of mindfulness and meditation can really help leaders who have lost that sense of connection with others. Mindful practice can bring us ‘back down to earth’. By checking in with ourselves and acknowledging when we might be feeling powerful, rash or overconfident we can keep our worst impulses in check. We might also be better able to acknowledge any feelings of disconnection we have with others. Focused attention of this kind is probably the first and most important step a leader can take.
Throughout the lifecycle of any given leader’s career, listening remains a pervasive and powerful skill. Keeping hold of that skill and cherishing it as a leader’s positional power increases is challenging, but ultimately rewarding, not only for the leader and their team, but for their organisation as a whole.
Leaders who don’t listen are in danger of giving the impression that self-orientation and unwavering personal conviction are somehow the most important strategies attaining and maintaining power at work.
Leaders who do, leave a very different impression – That on their journey to the top, there is always time to devote to others.
1) Association of Psychological Science. Study gives us a new perspective on the powerful. January 1, 2007
2) J Exp Psychol Gen. 2014 Apr;143(2):755-62. doi: 10.1037/a0033477. Epub 2013 Jul 1. Power changes how the brain responds to others
3) Keltner, D. (2016). The Power Paradox – How We Gain and Lose Influence. New York: Penguin Press, 2016.
4) Jeffrey Yip and Colin M. Fisher (2025) Are You Really a Good Listener? HBR Magazine
5) Nik Kinley. 01-09-2025, LEADERSHIP NOW. How power changes leaders.
5) Glenn Geher Ph.D. (2017) The good Samaritan is in the situation. Psychology Today
6) Dacher Keltner (2016). Don’t Let Power Corrupt You. HBR
