4 November 2025
Sanna Turesson, Senior Consultant
Thanks to research (Amy Edmondson, Dr. Timothy R Clark, Edgar Schein and others) we now have evidence on the importance of psychological safety for a team to perform at their highest level, especially when mistakes are likely, learning is ongoing, and creativity and innovation is needed. But how psychologically safe are you with yourself, when you have tried hard and still miss the mark? How can we treat ourselves in ways that make us try again, be bold and say yes to challenges? This is a reflection on Self-compassion and its usefulness for work.
We all fall on our faces – at work and in life – from time to time. In these moments, you might hear a familiar voice in your head—critical, harsh, and unforgiving. “How could I mess that up? I should have known better. Everyone else is doing fine.”
In my work as a leadership development consultant (and outside of work), I’ve noticed how this inner critic can quietly erode confidence, resilience, performance, collaboration and even hope. But what if there’s another way to respond to ourselves in moments of struggle? One that’s not only more humane but also far more effective. That’s where the practice of self-compassion comes in.
Many people believe it is the same as self-pity or letting ourselves off the hook. But according to Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion is about treating ourselves with the same kindness, care, and understanding that we would offer a good friend or colleague.
When you turn this common sense into daily practice—consciously replacing your habitual inner critic with a more supportive inner dialogue—it changes your mood and strengthens your ability to bounce back. Neff’s model describes three core elements of self-compassion, each with a contrasting opposite.
Self-judgement is that harsh inner voice that labels us as “not good enough,” and says, “No one else would have missed that shot.” It is a common habitual reaction to failure or falling short.
Self-kindness, on the other hand, means responding to yourself with warmth and kindness. It’s not about ignoring mistakes or avoiding responsibility – you can hold your struggle with kindness while still maintaining high ambitions and aspirations.
The trap of isolation is when you believe your struggle is unique – a part of your identity – and something to hide from all the other “perfect” people. “I am the only one who…” This mindset can lead to image management and creates distance from others.
Common humanity reminds us that imperfection is part of the shared human experience. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone struggles. Everyone feels overwhelmed sometimes. E-v-e-r-y-o-n-e. “Disappointment happens to all of us, millions of people feel the same way right now, I am not alone.”
Over– identification might happen when you start to believe in that inner critical voice – you lose both perspective and the space between stimuli and response. When identifying with thoughts (clinging to them instead of notice how they come and go) you give them fuel to continue.
Mindfulness is the ability to observe your experience just as it is, recognizing what´s happening as it happens, without judgement. It means acknowledging your tension without exaggerating or denying it. This presence helps you notice that tension often lives only in one part of the body – and that there are also places where you feel calm and at ease. And nothing lasts forever; mindfulness helps you notice when the moment of struggle passes. Useful every day of the week.
The number one obstacle to self-compassion is the belief that we need to be hard on ourselves to succeed and develop – otherwise we will be lazy or complacent. But the truth is we can accept that we are flawed human beings and still – because we care about ourselves – hold high aspirations, stretch toward our goals and perform at the level we strive for.
Research shows that self-compassion leads to more motivation to change and grow, not less. Dr Neff´s work synthesises over two decades of research and more than 4,000 studies. The evidence is compelling:
Resilience: Self-compassionate individuals cope better with stress and failure – crucial for leaders navigating uncertainty and setbacks.
Motivation: Contrary to the myth that it undermines drive, self-compassion enhances intrinsic motivation, persistence, and a growth mindset.
Authenticity and acceptance: Leaders high in self-compassion are more likely to accept their imperfections, key to building psychological safety and trust within teams.
Example: A study of NCAA athletes found that self-compassion training improved both well-being and coach-rated performance (Kuchar, 2022).
Notice what’s happening around you at work. Do you see signs of self-judgment, isolation, or over-identification? If so, that may explain why it’s hard to perform at a higher level, be brave together, hold people accountable, or stay resilient during stressful times. The beauty is that all of us have the superpower of self-compassion, and it can be strengthened through practice.
It is not something you are born with or without and it is not about lowering standards. You can train it. Doing so reshapes your feedback-loop and mindset. It activates oxytocin, engages your parasympathetic nervous system, and brings warmth, ease, and even joy. It’s a bodily experience—one that creates the inner conditions that allow you to rise higher.
For today´s leaders and co-workers – facing complexity, rapid change and cross-functional collaboration self-compassion isn´t optional. It is an essential capacity for the future.
Supporting research:
Improved conflict resolution: (Yarnell & Neff, 2013) Self-compassionate individuals are more likely to compromise and less likely to subordinate their needs or become defensive.
Greater empathy and perspective-taking: (Fuochi, Veneziani, and Voci 2018) It enhances the ability to forgive others and see shared humanity, which strengthens collaboration and reduces interpersonal friction.
Reduced burnout (Raab, 2014; McDonald et al., 2021): Among healthcare professionals, higher self-compassion is linked to lower stress and burnout, and greater compassion satisfaction.
Enhanced learning (Breines & Chen, 2012): Students who practiced self-compassion after failing a test studied longer and performed better on the next one than those who received a self-esteem boost.
Use your everyday life, it already offers countless practice opportunities.
When a challenging moment arises:
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